I just noticed your latest post and it seems fairly obvious that you have covered most things. Suggestion re gasket placement was not meant to be misleading. I just did not visualize this specific gasket application.
I do know that some gaskets can be placed/installed incorrectly, just not the M30's.
I hope you do not need to resurface the head, but from my experience with aluminum alloy heads, they warp the minute I get them off the car and stare at them under a bright light. Again, I hope you do not need more machine work, but I would not bet against it.
In light of Don's post regarding the preferred headbolt tightening procedure, you might want to ask your dealer or someone you trust for the final word. I would expect W&N should have a direct contact with the gasket manufacturer too. Then, there's always Jaymic in the UK.
For what its worth, I noticed another site that seems similar to the reference Don posted, but offers different information. See page 15 of
http://www.bmw-m.net/TechData/torq/bmw_torq.pdf where it mentions M30 engine followed by 60nm, 20 mins, 80nm, 25 min warm up followed by . . . wait for it. . . "torque angle 35." If I had to guess, that final angle torque probably ends up putting your bolt torque near the 100 nm mark. But that is a guess.
Looking at you pictures, your engine setup and bay are impressive. I concur with your description of the gasket not being evenly compressed - at least by the silicone bead you highlighted. The oil relief holes look different than I remember them on the gaskets I have used (not recently) but the style you have is probably an improvement. Made me wonder if the gasket was correct. I guess it is not unheard of for a gasket to be defective from the factory. It might be interesting to measure the gasket with a micrometer.
Assuming the gasket was not defective, consider two possible conclusions. Either the head and/or the block deck could be warped OR you just did not get the bolts evenly torqued and/or torqued to the proper measurement. Failing to have the receiving threads in the block and and the head bolt threads
spotlessly clean and
the bolts lightly oiled may really be the cause. Chasing the threads and flushing them with carb cleaner, denatured alcohol or brake/contact cleaner followed by cotton swabs may just be the key. As someone mentioned, the threads in the block really need to be dry too, otherwise, you might get false or inaccurate torque readings.
Best of luck.