Porsche Owner's Christmas Tale
Twas the night before Christmas and the Porsche was dead
Should I work on the car, or go straight to bed?
Everything was connected, in proper place
What was I missing? My steps I'll retrace.
The wires were nestled all snug on their plugs,
Just waiting to fire, new pistons and jugs
And Mamma in bed, and I in the shop,
I twisted the key, a sputter, a pop
When from the back end, there arose such a clatter,
I banged my head, then my lip got fatter
Away to the engine, I flew like a flash
Tore open the lid, and burnt my moustache!
I grabbed the extinguisher, just in time
And stood there in awe, like a motionless mime
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
A gas leak, and tin work, and decals that seared
With a little old screwdriver, so lively and quick
I tightened the clamp, What a DIPSTICK!
More rapid than eagles my curses they came
Oh I was pissed, but I was to blame
"You, IDIOT! You, FOOL! You're STUPID and a BUM!
You're PATHETIC! You're a HACK! You're a TURKEY and DUMB!"
Back to the ****pit! A twist of the switch!
Now crank away! Crank away! Crank away bitch!
As gas started gass'n and sparks started spark'n
They both came together; the exhaust started bark'n
So up on the tach, the RPM's flew
I'm going for a drive, beyond my curfew.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the house
The pissing and moaning, of my strict little spouse
As I backed out the door, and was turning around
Across the driveway she came, with jacket and hound
She was dressed and prepped, to go for a ride
How could I fault her, we all got inside
We motored with snow, billowing over the roof
Too bad this tub, isn't rustproof!
Her lights-- how they twinkled! Her handling how merry!
Her temperature was rising, I was smitten by Ferry!
His cool little car, ripped down the road
Hope we make it back home, without getting towed
I was excited and nervous, white knuckled the wheel
A friendship was forming, like B.B. and Lucille.
My smile grew bigger, from ear to ear
As I threw in the clutch, and shifted the gear
We slid and dog tracked around every turn
I redlined and redlined with little concern
The smooth power curve, of the Maestro cam
Guidance and books; I'm happy as a clam
I continued to drive, through the downtown
Past carolers and skaters, without a letdown
And easing my shoe, into the throttle
We headed home, with no further doddle
As we pulled out of town, a sweet buzz and whistle,
Escaped from the bursch, like a lethal scud missile
And the list members heard, as I roared out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good-Night"
